My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
