i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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