he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
