At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I understand Curling. That high.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
