i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
