Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
