a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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