false alarm. still invincible.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
