I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
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