Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
