3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
