The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
