proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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