Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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