Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
