No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
