i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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