In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
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