everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
