I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Randomize
