Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Randomize
