Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
