i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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