I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize
