The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
