I'm pants shitting drunk right now
just tell him i said nine months
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
