Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I'm getting married
To pizza
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
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