Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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