she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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