The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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