dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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