I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
