Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
