Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
