is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
