mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
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