i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I think I won the penis lottery.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
