Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
