apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
