There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
We're too hungover to prance.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Randomize
