It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
