how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
