Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Randomize
