9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
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