I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Randomize
