sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
