My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
