hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Randomize
