I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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