You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I want a musical about memes.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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