And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
